The Girls' Guide to Surviving a Break-Up The essential female companion from the first moment he walks out of your life! The Girls' Guide to Surviving a Break-Up offers step-by-step advice for getting over him.

The Hell with Love: Poems to Mend a Broken Heart Finally a book of poetry that describes every emotion you go through when you are in love and heart broken. This book is amazing and wonderful. I recommend it to who ever loves poetry and ever had a broken heart.

He's Just Not That Into You (The Newly Expanded Edition): The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys It seems like everywhere you turn the phrase "He's just not that into you" is being thrown around. And for good reason! The ladies are finally done waiting by the phone - hey, why sit at home for the phone to ring when it's so obvious that he's just not that into you?

Women Men Love, Women Men Leave: What Makes Men Want to Commit? In easy psychological terms, this book helps a woman understand why a man may react negatively to her even when she feels she's doing everything right for a relationship. With different female personalities portrayed, the reader will find themselves fitting one or more of the profiles.

Self-Love: Is It Selfish?
by Leslie Karen Lobell, M.A.

The song "Greatest Love of All," written by Michael Masser and Linda Creed (performed by Whitney Houston) contains the following lyrics: "I found the greatest love of all/Inside of me/ ... Learning to love yourself/It is the greatest love of all." There are many types of love that we have for the people in our lives: love for a romantic partner or spouse, for our family, for our children, for our friends, for humanity, in general, and for ourselves. Which of these is most important? Which should be our first priority? Is self-love the "Greatest Love of All"? Or is it selfish and self-indulgent?

Suppose you find your "soul mate" and feel that all-encompassing love that everyone seems to seek... Should you love yourself above your soul mate? Should your self-love mean more to you than your soul mate's love for you? What about your parents, your children, and/or your friends? Should you put your love for yourself before your love for them? Although I believe that love for others is extremely important, I believe that self-love should - and must - come first.

What about you? Do you agree? Or are you cringing? Do you feel uneasy with this idea? Or does it make perfect sense? We hear, over and over again, "Before you can love someone else, you have to love yourself, first." The saying has almost become a cliché. Yet, on some level, many of us feel uncomfortable with this. Why might this be so?

38 FREE Breakup & Relationship eBooks Join our community and get our ebooks for free! Learn how to stop your breakup and win your ex back for free! Broken Heart? Find out how to mend your brokenheart caused by a broken relationship. Advice from The Breakup Guru. Did She Dump You? Are you a nice guy and still got dumped for a jerk? Learn how to be the bastard women want, and never get dumped again! Win Your Ex Back! Find out how to win your ex back and keep them hopelessly attached to you forever more!

So many of us, especially women, are caregivers. Whether we wear the label of spouse, parent, nurse, doctor, teacher, counselor, volunteer worker, or any of a host of other identities, many of us tend to put the needs of others before our own needs. We try to please and care for others first, often putting ourselves last. In many cultures, women, especially, have been rewarded for being caregivers - and sometimes punished for not exhibiting those qualities.

In my counseling practice, I encounter a lot of people who believe that to love yourself, or to give to yourself, is a "bad" thing. They see this as "selfish" or "self-centered." I recall an example from my own youth. As a teenager, I wanted to be a performing artist. I loved to be onstage, especially in musicals when I got to sing solos. Admittedly, as a particularly romantic teen dealing with the joys and tears of crushes and heartbreaks, I had a way of creating some drama in the rest of my life, as well. Once in a while, my mother would admonish me by saying, "You always wanted to be the center of attention!" The tone in which she made this statement clearly conveyed that I should feel ashamed of myself. It worked: I did. Whether or not she intended it, I got the message that expressing myself in any way that might be different, that might call attention to myself, was deplorable... and to enjoy my own talents, to recognize my gifts -- or (God forbid) to feel good about myself -- was even worse!

My mother was very concerned about preventing her children from becoming conceited. It never occurred to her that she might want to put as much effort into fostering our self-esteem. I can't really blame my mother: like all of us, she is a product of her generation and culture. She only taught what she had learned, herself. I find it a shame, though, that our culture seems to create so many people who lack self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-love. I think that our main focus, especially with children, should be on "building them up." Instead, so many people look to "take someone down a peg" if that person seems too "cocky" or self-confident.

When I talk of self-love, I am NOT advocating that we should stop caring for others, and just focus on ourselves. Being in service and giving back to your community is something I believe is very important. Showing kindness to others and demonstrating our caring for our loved ones is a key to having a fulfilling life. However, maintaining a balance is critical. You cannot keep giving to others if you do not give to yourself, first. It is like pouring water from a vessel: you cannot pour and pour without ever refilling it - eventually, it will run dry. Like that vessel, we, too, need to refill, recharge, and re-energize. We need to replenish ourselves, by loving and giving to ourselves.

Learning to love yourself may be the greatest love you ever experience and achieve. Self-love is not "selfish" or bad. When you love yourself, you will feel good about yourself, and you will feel better about the world. This will make it easier for you to give love to others. Especially if you are a parent or any type of caregiver, you must not forget to take time out to care for yourself. When you take time to re-energize, you will have more energy both for yourself and to share with the people you love and those in your care. The person who feels self-love is generally happier and much more pleasant to be around than the person who lacks self-love and self-esteem. Embodying self-love is the greatest example we can set for our children, for our loved ones, for our friends, and for all those we encounter in our lives.

Copyright ©2000 All rights reserved. Leslie Lobell

This article brought to you coutesy of:

The Art of Loving™ is a ® Registered Trademark of The Art of Loving Ltd
“Learning how to bring love into your life”

Tigress Luv , the Breakup Guru, is the author of How to STOP a Breakup, an instantly available webBook and website, or downloadable ebook, designed to help you STOP or reverse your break up and get your ex back, and How to Get Over a Breakup, also an instantly available online webBook and website, or ebook download, designed to help you understand and heal from a broken heart . Both are available on this site and are free when you join our breaking up help and support community.

Click here to visit our Surviving Infidelity Message Board

Please Visit Our Sponsors

The Break Up Guru
============

Borderland Blues Gay & Lesbian Advice
============